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  1. #1
    Dairyuu Amaya's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    In a place that doesn't even know what manga is
    Posts
    21

    Once Aflicted: A Naruto fan fic.

    Since my fan fiction is kinda long (16 pages typed and I'm just getting started!) I figure it might be a better idea to just link to it.

    Click here to read

    Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
    I do own my OC that you will read about. Comments plzthx.

    Rated M for mature. (adult content)
    Last edited by Amaya; 08-03-2007 at 11:35 PM.

  2. #2
    Shadow walker firepanther's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Georgia
    Posts
    31
    So far I have read up to chapter 10.
    The like the story line itself. I think you could elaborate in your writing a bit more and have some better transitions, it just seems a bit choppy. Also, be sure that you use the same tense in the appropriate time frames...you go from saying 'they DID' to 'They DO' during the same time sequence
    Overall I do like it though.
    Note: You may want to say it's rated PG13 for adult content though that way people aren't surprised!
    Last edited by firepanther; 08-03-2007 at 05:11 PM.
    ~Life is too short to live in fear so be who you want to be, don't let others tell you who you are~

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