So far I have read up to chapter 10.
The like the story line itself. I think you could elaborate in your writing a bit more and have some better transitions, it just seems a bit choppy. Also, be sure that you use the same tense in the appropriate time frames...you go from saying 'they DID' to 'They DO' during the same time sequence
Overall I do like it though.
Note: You may want to say it's rated PG13 for adult content though that way people aren't surprised!
Last edited by firepanther; 08-03-2007 at 05:11 PM.
~Life is too short to live in fear so be who you want to be, don't let others tell you who you are~