Dear Asce

I have a professor that for some reason has something against me. He's set then broken the record for the lowest grades given to me by an English Professor, and the last paper I turned in was pretty damn good (when I gave it to three other professors for grading/insight, one gave me a B+ while the other two gave me an A-, he gave me a C). He has a reputation as an easy grader, but the grade I'm most likely to receive in this class will ruin my chances of graduating with departmental honors. How should I deal with this?

Dear Slave-to-Education,

I'm not quite sure whether you're in highschool or college. (I assume college, but the whole departmental honors thing seems pretty highschool-ish) I sympathize with your dilemma. This reminds me of when I was attending James Hopkins University. My professor refused to give me extra-points for memorizing 212 bones. She insisted that there were only 206 bones in the human body. In my opinion, I deserved more points for memorizing 6 extra bones! In fact, she even took off a few. Well, I went on to seduce her, and then got her ass fired for having sex with me. I recommend you try the same thing, although I gather in your scenario, the professor is male. So have your girlfriend (or a girl friend) seduce him, and then launch his ass right outta the place. You'll get a different teacher who'll hopefully grade your papers more reasonably. If not, rinse and repeat.

If at first you don't succeed...seduce people until you do.

With much love,
Dr Asce