Dear Asce...

**KADOKAWA** · 04-28-2009, 12:53 PM

Dear Asce,
Why shouldn't I fuck/rape my neighbors?

**Asce** · 05-01-2009, 03:17 AM

Considering you're in Kuwait, they'd probably greet you with bombs and explode mid-fuck.

**KADOKAWA** · 05-02-2009, 09:36 AM

lol...got that right.

**Asce** · 05-15-2009, 02:48 AM

Dear Asce,

I think i'm a chronic masturbater. Every time I get up in the morning I have to masterbate. And every time before I go to bed I have to masturbate. Not to mention I sometimes masturbate several times during the day.
Please help me.

Dear Right Hand Wonder,
Absolutely not. Sex might be a cure for masturbation but I sure as hell ain't going to help you with that. You do whatever the hell you want with your right hand but don't get any of my hands involved.

With Much Platonic Love,
Asce

**paulbee** · 09-04-2009, 05:01 AM

Dear Asce,

Please use your vast and considerable powers to grant Ivory Unassailable and Unlimited "Spamming" rights (I never actually considered it spamming, more like lively interaction), and indemnify her against any rebuke, so that she may resume he rightful status as Queen, caretaker, and overall lifter of spirits at/in the Boredom zone.

In other words grant her the freedom to interject into conversations (within the BZ) as she sees fit, since it works to the overall good IMO.

(NB Nobody put me up to this, I act of my own volition for better or for worse (as usual)).

Hmmm....I can interject as much as I want, but unless it's mod-related I leave it alone and just watch over the general proceedings. The doctah already granted me the powah.

~ Ivory

**Asce** · 09-19-2009, 08:16 PM

Originally Posted by paulbee

Dear Asce,

Please use your vast and considerable powers to grant Ivory Unassailable and Unlimited "Spamming" rights (I never actually considered it spamming, more like lively interaction), and indemnify her against any rebuke, so that she may resume he rightful status as Queen, caretaker, and overall lifter of spirits at/in the Boredom zone.

In other words grant her the freedom to interject into conversations (within the BZ) as she sees fit, since it works to the overall good IMO.

(NB Nobody put me up to this, I act of my own volition for better or for worse (as usual)).

Hmmm....I can interject as much as I want, but unless it's mod-related I leave it alone and just watch over the general proceedings. The doctah already granted me the powah.

~ Ivory

Indeed I have but from this point on, I order you to exercise that power!!

-------------
Dear Doctah Asce,

Why am I so awesome?

With much love,

Queenofmuffins.

There's probably still some of my DNA left inside you from last night.

----
Dear Asce,

Im in quite a situation. I moved a month ago and ever since I've been in contact with a girl from back home. Since I left she's been sending me naked pictures of herself and some pretty dirty texts. The thing is she's married. So if you haven't figured out the problem yet here it is. Unless by the grace of god her husbands out of town where am I gonna bang her, cause I'm sure as hell not springing for a hotel and I have a single cab truck.

Sincerely,

The other guy
Response pending...please insert money.

**DFX** · 11-21-2009, 06:52 AM

Dear Asce,

I recently jumped in a lake stark naked in the middle of the night along with a couple thousand other people. I now seem to have lost my shoes, a both robe, and my keys. What should I do?

Much love,

Cold and wet

**Asce** · 01-24-2010, 09:46 AM

In what totally isn't an attempt to make you guys go to binktopia.org, you can now find random rants by me at binktopia.org!!

(The first of which is this one http://www.binktopia.org/news/106 ) And while you're there, maybe you wanna sign up in our cleaners school cause apparently I died in the land of hookers and blow, come back and we have on more cleaners...*cough*

Go there, read, laugh, cry, rape DFX, and comment.

Some answers to thoughts/questions you may have:

Why yes! I actually am that narcisstic to think that you'd come to the site just because I posted there! How kind of you for noticing.
No. This is totally not like a blog at all. In fact, It's the complete opposite of a blog. It's a golb. ...Ok, so that piss-poor attempt at a joke clearly didn't work, but regardless...meh.
If you're wondering why the post now says something retarded like "blah blah blah bitch bitch bitch" or "I like dicks in my butt", it's cause DFX is messing with it again and/or coming out of the closet
I will be posting there at regularly scheduled intervals of randomness. Mark it on your calendar and stay tuned.
These rants take about the time it takes for a cup of ramen noodles to "cook." If your reaction/outrage to any of them is one that cannot be coherently stated in that time, you're thinking about it too much
On a related note, if your rage causes you to burn with such a fiery passion that it accelerates the heating/cooking of the noodles, please let me know so I can patent that.
Yes, this list IS getting too long. The price of being up at 4:40am.
To drill open coconuts, drill slowly.