A polar bear walks in to a bar and says "I'd like a gin and.......................... tonic, please".
The bartender replies "Sure, but what's with the pause?"
To which the bear replies "They help me walk in the snow..."
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A plane flying from London to Singapore is going down. The pilot turns on the tannoy and tells everyone that they're going to die and should enjoy their last moment.
A young lady stands up and says "I want someone in here to make me feel like a woman!"
Moments later, a large, attractive man stands up, rips his shirt off and says "Iron that for us, will you love?"
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Thread: Tell us a Joke
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02-10-2008, 08:16 AM #11The Hiphopopotamus
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Originally Posted by guy
Originally Posted by Gameboy
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02-11-2008, 06:08 AM #12
Marriage: Before & After
[Before]
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get!
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!
[After]
Spoiler!
Visuals
Reeeeally HOT
Spoiler!
How to use the F word **WARNING: A WHOLE LOTTA F WORDS**
Spoiler!
How to turn you ON
Spoiler!Last edited by AG; 02-11-2008 at 06:20 AM. Reason: + visuals
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02-12-2008, 04:57 AM #13
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,…
“Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”
Zetta Recommends: Naruto, Claymore, Death note, Elfen Lied, Berserk, Monster, One Piece, Rurouni Kenshin, Bleach,
Gameboy: "Its better to fight with honor than be silent and shit bricks"
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02-13-2008, 02:32 AM #14Full Member
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A man who just went through a terrible divorce is walking along the beach trying to forget about it when he sees an odd looking bottle. He picks it up, brushes the sand off of it, and a genie pops out. The genie says, "I'll grant you three wishes, but anything you ask for, your wife will receive twice what you get." The man is a little skeptical at first, so he wishes for $10 million. Sure enough, his phone rings, and his lawyer tells him that some obscure relative of his has died and left him $10 million. The man is overjoyed, until his lawyer tells him that the obscure relative left his wife $20 million. The man makes his second wish, "I want an enormous, beach-front mansion." Poof! Right where the man is standing is and enormous mansion (on the beach) and in his hand is the deed. Sure enough he gets another phone call, this time from his ex-wife, who calls to let him know that she just won 2 huge beach-front mansions in a sweepstakes. The man isn't too happy about that. The genie says to the man, "Alright, this is your third and final wish. What will it be?" The man sits down on a log and thinks long and hard, then finally stands back up. The genie says, "What is your third wish?" The man bends over, picks up a stick, and says, "I want you to take this stick and beat me half to death."
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Spoiler!
What do you call a cow with three legs?
Spoiler!
What do you call a cow having a seizure?
Spoiler!
What do you call a cow masturbating?
Spoiler!
What's a fish say when it hits a concrete wall?
Spoiler!
What do you call four Mexicans in quicksand? (not racist I swear)
Spoiler!Si hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes
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02-13-2008, 03:33 AM #15I should really post more
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- Jul 2007
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if WW2 was an online game
Spoiler!
some images...
Work Vs Prison
Spoiler!
this is real i swear
Spoiler!Asgardias
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|=|Other Sigs|=|
>Naruto Sig
>Gundam Crossbone Sig
>Ichigo Sig
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*****>>>>>HAS YOU HEARD ABOUT THE WORD?<<<<<*****
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02-13-2008, 11:28 PM #16Full Member
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- Aug 2007
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Warning: Some of these jokes may be offensive to women, but they are pretty hilarious.
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowplow?
Spoiler!
Why don't women carry umbrellas?
Spoiler!
Why don't women wear watches?
Spoiler!
What do you call the useless flap of skin around the vagina?
Spoiler!
Why did the 37 year old, slightly overweight, brown haired woman walk down a staircase to get to a subway station while visiting New York City?
Spoiler!
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Spoiler!Si hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes
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02-16-2008, 09:45 PM #17Senpai Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2007
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someone pm'd me asking to make him an admin [replacer_img]
this is serious
Recommendations : GOTH / Kara No Kyoukai
Asian Movies Requests / MPD Psycho
[Nigihana.com] / [Cyber12.com]
Oh Yes...! There Will Be Blood
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02-17-2008, 11:02 AM #18
That was nice.
My joke is: there was this talking dog!
And, and, I ate him, and then violated him.
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05-09-2008, 08:57 PM #19...
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
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- Canada.
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Question - If A quiz is a quizicle what is a test?
Answer - testicleLast edited by The Ama; 05-09-2008 at 10:47 PM.
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05-10-2008, 07:55 AM #20
joke one:
seven dwarfs were sitting around a campfire feeling happy. Then happy left
Ba-dum-chi
joke two:
Q: how many feminist does it take to change a light bulb?
A: An infinite amount cause they never change anything!
Ba-dum-chi
joke three:
Q: Whats the fastest way to paint a fence red?
A: It depends on how hard your throwing the babies.
Ba-dum-chi
Joke four:
The seven dwarfs are now quite famous because of the snow white incident and so one day the pope meets them. They greet them selves, but then theres a awkward silence.
Grumpy decides to break the the silence by asking, "are there any dwarf nuns at your cathedral?" the popes replies, "no". Two dwarfs are now sniggling and grumpy looks a llittle annoyed.
Grumpy then asks, "are there any dwarf nuns in europe?" The pope once again replies with no. All the dwarfs are now sniggling and grumpy looks annoyed.
Grumpy fustrated asks, "are there any dwarf nun in the WORLD?" The pope answers, "umm, no i don't think there are any dwarf nuns." Grumpy now is really annoyed, when the dwarfs all burst out laughing and shouting out, " Grumpy shagged a penguin! Grumpy shagged a penguin!"
Ba-dum-chi
Now to end it,
Q: what did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
A: I'll see you next month!
Ba-dum-chi
And thats all i gotThose who wander aren't always lost.
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